The following appeared on this blog in a post titled On Church and Public Policy, What is the Church's Role, and is probably a more accurate reflection of why I am going to law school.
"So in all honesty, part of my decision to attend law school is born out of my dissatisfaction with the ability of the church to effect real change. I'm probably a little jaded in this area, but I think statistics concerning behavior of church attenders and non-church attenders would back me up."
"That said, in-spite of everything, I believe in the church. I love the church, and despite my reservations, I know that it can be a change agent in the culture and in public policy."
Later, on that same post I left the following comment.
"So the above sentiments deserve some clarification."
"Number one, it is emotional. That is SOMETIMES how I FEEL, in contrast to what I think. Sometimes it feel like churches, ones that I have led included, put a lot of effort into auditory oriented communication, (worship and preaching) and at times I can’t help but wonder, “to what effect”? People walk in, people walk out, and if feels like nothing changes. (And I speak from some pretty stark experiences. ) This is in contrast to “good days” where you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Word has not returned void, and that true worship has taken place, worship valuable in its own right."
"I think a lot of this is about how I am wired. I want to experience kinetic energy, (think dominos crashing into one another) cause and effect, moving from problem, to problem solved. I would like to imagine that practicing law will feel like this. Moving from event, to case, to decision and resolution. (positive or negative, it is a specific result.)"
"And yet I know beyond any doubt that there will be mind numbing days, days of feeling hopeless and of being literally defeated. And that on those days I will long for the shadow of the Most High, that useless and pointless thing called worship where the soul finds rest in God alone."
O' and one other thing. It is about the money too. Not a desire for opulence, but a desire for a certain amount of security. Religious people will tell you that money can't buy happiness or security, but their lifestyles challenge this notion... my lifestyle challenges this notion. While I respect those few who do give up a great deal, I would not count myself among them, and while I trust God to provide, I need help with my unbelief.